Passive Aggressive

This morning I was really irritated with D. For some reason we never mesh very well in the morning. So, when I made his lunch this morning, I drew an angry face on his bread with the mustard. Of course, he'll never know, but I did it anyway. I am so mature.

Bippity Boppity Boo!

Yesterday we went to a Halloween event at a nearby museum. Diva is Cinderella this year. The weather was perfect! We went with some friends who have a son who is 3 weeks older than Diva. They are two peas in a pod, and have a great time together!



After I worked so hard to get all the Cinderella details right, Diva insisted on glamming it up with some sunglasses and a boa!

My pretty princess!

Being carried to the car by her Prince Charming!

Night out!

I am doing something I've never done before. Okay, so that's a lie, but I am doing something I haven't done in a REALLY long time. I am going out tonight with some girls (my bff and some of her coworkers). We are going to dinner and a movie. When my bff called to invite me, I tried to remember the last time I went out without D or Diva. It was last May. I hope I remember how to make adult conversation!

In her head

Life with The Diva provides lots of entertainment. I always love it when she gives me a peak inside the crazy world that is her imagination. Last week, Diva was pretend playing (as usual) -


Diva: Look Mommy, I have a baby in my belly.
Me: Oh, how interesting. When is your baby due?
Diva: In forty-five minutes.
Me: Do you have a husband?
Diva: (long dramatic pause) Not anymore.
Me: Oh, what happened?
Diva: He died. His name was Drew.
Me: Oh, wow, I'm sorry Diva.
Diva: (sighs) It's not your fault mom

A bit later, I am sitting in the living room clipping coupons and Diva come and sits next to me. She flops dramatically down next me and starts sighing heavily and staring off into space.

Me: Hey Diva, what's the matter?
Diva: (souunding forlorn) Oh, I'm just thinking about my husband. Drew. I miss him.
Me: I'm really sorry Diva. ( I had kind of forgotten about the dead husband. I figured she would have moved on to something new)
Diva: Oh, Mom. It's not your fault. Remember? (sighing and shaking her head)

I have no idea where she gets this stuff. When she creates a storyline, it's awfully elaborate and she sure sticks to it. I have to wonder if she's secretly watching soap operas behind my back.

AH-choo!

As soon as I stop sneezing, I'll post something. I swear. On an interesting note, The Diva has a new obsession with the Beastie Boys, and requests that I play "License to Ill" in the car on the way to school. Her favorite song is "Brass Monkey". I am pretty sure these facts qualify my as a bad mother, but since I knew the words to Eric Clapton's "Cocaine" when I was her age, I think she'll be alright.

It's about time!

We have been without a computer for what feels like forever! Really, it's been two weeks since our computer crashed. D, wonderful husband that he is, took care of business and got things up and running. Since I last blogged:

-The Diva learned to independently zip her jacket.

-I have read some really great books. I read The Hunger Games and Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins. They both completely sucked me in. I am now desperate for the third and final book in the trilogy to come out, but it is going to be a while. I just started The Help today. So far, so good.

D and I had 20 consecutive hours of alone time last weekend. My aunt invited Diva for an overnight. We went out to dinner with friends, and saw Couples Retreat. It was funny, but a bit slow. It was nice to have some time alone, and get out and do something.

-My mom's first book was published! I am so proud of her!!! She has her very first book signing tomorrow! I am so happy! She truly is amazing, and how she wrote a book with a full time job, a family at home, and her own business (along with all the volunteering she does) is beyond me. If ever there was an example of a strong, creative, multi-tasking woman, it's my mom!

-The Diva has taken an interest in learning to read, and is taking off with it!

I will be posting more frequently from here on out! Hooray for technology!

Apple Picking

Or should I say apple eating? I forgot my memory card, so my step-father took some pictures and sent them to me. Going over them, I realized that most of the pictures of the Diva are of her working on eating an apple. If an apple a day really keeps the doctor away, the Diva should be all set. She loves her apples! We had a great time enjoying the beautiful fall day! Apple picking with the whole family has become a yearly tradition since we moved back up north. I'm not quite looking forward to winter, but I do love the fall and all the great activities it brings.

The Diva on TV!

Oops, Wrong Number

Today I had to make a phone call to update some information for The Diva's health insurance. Daddyo told me the number and I diligently wrote it down. Or so I thought. I had a prep period between students, so I decided to quickly call and take care of things. I dialed the number, and a prompt told me to call another number, and then disconnected. I was able to write the new number and immediately punched the numbers into my phone. When I was connected with a voice, I heard this, "Hey Big Boy! We can connect you right now with hot, sexy women just waiting to talk to you." I hung up quickly, and I am sure my face was a hundred shades of red. I have no idea what else the message said, but I summed up that I had mistakenly called a phone sex hot line. Major oops!!!! I thank God that I was calling from my cell phone, and not from my school. Personal calls are allowed from time to time, but certainly not that kind of personal call! I called Daddyo back and realized my mistake. I had written a seven down as a two. Who would have thought one little number would make such a BIG difference!!!!

Dancer, or Ninja?

The Diva started dance lessons last week. Of course, you can't take pictures and 10 sets of parents pressing themselves up against one tiny window to see what is going on is not a pretty sight. I wanted to get some photos to document my sweet little princess on the first day of her precious little dance class. I got this. I love it!!!

Foto Faces Friday

Oobi is not my friend.

Have you seen Oobi? If you haven't please take 22 minutes (with the understanding that you will NEVER get these minutes back and may possibly be scarred for life) and watch it. If you don't want to sacrifice your time or your sanity, I will give you a run down. Oobi is a hand. A hand with googly eyes. A hand that speaks incorrectly, and has hand friends and family members that are equally obnoxious.

Between 6:30 and 7 every morning, I let the Diva watch Noggin. This half hour of tv time in the morning helps us both out. At this point, my early riser has had breakfast, and it is crunch time for Mama to get ready for the day. It's hard to get ready for the day when you have someone following you around asking you how blood runs through your body, if God knows how to dance, or if you would like to play "princess shopping" for the millionth time. It's also nice to get dressed without your 3 year old telling you your belly resembles Frosty The Snowman, all the while following you around singing the darn song.

So, now that happy 30 minutes is filled by freakin' Oobi. The Diva loves Oobi. Oobi makes me sick. Literally. I had a migraine the other day and the sound of Oobi's voice literally made me throw up.

This morning, Oobi had a new friend. Frieda. She's a foot! I am totally confused as to how whoever is playing Frieda moves their leg around in that awkward position. Are they walking on their hands? What's up with that? I made some smart remark about Frieda, and The Diva got mad. Really mad. She went on a tirade about Frieda.

"What do you mean, you don't like Frieda? Are you kidding me, Mom? She's a talking foot!!! And she has toes! She's upside down! She has toes! I like her! She's a talking foot! She doesn't have fingers! She's a talking foot!"

So throughout the day, I've just randomly said, "I don't like Frieda." To which the Diva replies, "She's a talking foot!" The Diva's arguement is part of the reason Frieda bothers me so much, she's a talking foot! Come on! The hands were bad enough. Now they've thrown feet into the mix.

For some reason The Diva has become the great Oobi defender. I almost feel bad dissing it to her, since she likes it so much. Almost, but not really. Oobi has got to go. I almost think watching some VH1 reality show would be of more educational value. Almost, but not really. I'll let her keep Oobi, for now.

The Diva ponders taking a husband

The Diva is sick today. I got a call to come get her at daycare. She was running a low grade fever and fell asleep during free play time. This alarmed her teacher, since The Diva is rarely quiet or still, let alone narcoleptic. I hurried to scoop up my poor sick baby. Mama hates having a poor sick baby, it hurts the heart. She seems a bit better now, I have given her some Motrin and am being extra indulgent. She is now watching Noggin while lying on the couch completely naked. She insists that being naked makes her feel better. She is covered up with a blanket, that had to be tan so that it would match the belly of her beloved stuffed Rottie, Zeus.

So, recently Diva and I were hanging out, talking about life and she said, (out of nowhere) "I want to be a mommy someday. So I am going to need a husband. I want Daddy to be my husband."I know this is common for little girls, but hello awkwardness! I escaped this conversation by saying Daddy could only be my husband, and that I was sure she would find her own wonderful husband someday.

A few days later she was on to talking about other people's husbands. Namely, my sister in law's. It went down like this:

Diva- Is Uncle Auntie's husband?
Me- Yes.
Diva- Who is Grandma's husband?
Me- Well, Grandma doesn't have a husband.
Diva- Oh, so does Auntie share her husband with Grandma?

Way to go Diva! Just keep setting me up for weird conversations. I am sure as she gets older she will have a better understanding of such matters, but for now she thinks she can marry her daddy and that sharing husbands is an okay thing to do.

The Power of Positive Thinking

What a difference a change in attitude and having some faith can make. First off, I'd like to say thank you for the encouraging and supportive comments! I truly appreciate it.

Today, out of curiousity (and possibly desperation) I scoured the job postings for the two school districts I have worked for this past year. I saw that the Reading Tutor position at the middle school where I have been working was posted. It pays more than subbing, and involves teaching small group reading instruction. A step closer to where I would like to be. I love the school where I have been subbing, the administration is amazing, the staff is fabulous, and the students are great too! Working there has made not being a classroom teacher a bit easier to bare. So, long story short, I got the position! I feel really good about it. Long term, it's not where I see myself, but I think it is a good move. I get to stay at a school I enjoy working at, The Diva can stay at the home daycare that she loves, and I will be making a little bit more money. This Mama is feeling so blessed and happy tonight!

Here I am

Most likely no one is really wondering where I have gone. I have put up some wordless blogs recently, but my heart hasn't been in blogging. Until I realized that this is my blog, and I love to write, and maybe, just maybe writing would help. I've been in a pretty negative place for a while now. It is most definitely job related. I still have yet to find a full time classroom position, so back to subbing I go. I left a teaching job that I was perfectly happy with to make a different life for our family. The good news is, Daddy-o's work life is much more stable here. The bad news is, my career is non-exisitent at the moment, which puts a strain on me emotionally, a strain on us financially, and Daddy-o is ALWAYS working. I am at a point where I just don't know what to do. Do I keep my building sub job? Do I go back into the general sub pool so I can get my name out there for more possible job opportunities? Do I try to find a totally different job? Should I try to find a way to make money from home, keep The Diva home, and cut the daycare expense which takes close to half my weekly salary? Will I ever teach again? I sure wish I had some answers.

This week I really hit rock bottom. I got news that I didn't get a teaching position I had interviewed for. I had thought that things had gone really well, but apparently not well enough. It is beyond frustrating. I have experience, excellent references, and confidence that I am a pretty darn good teacher. Putting myself out there and being rejected really bites. I am just not sure what my next move should be.

On a positive note, I have had some really good talks with God recently, and I have been able to turn my frustration off and focus on all the beautiful things that are present in my life. It is so easy to get caught up in the negatives, but in reality I am so blessed to have a loving husband, an amazing daughter, supportive family and friends, a place to live, a car to drive, food in my fridge and pantry, etc. I am just going to keep on keeping on.

Wordless Wednesday-Savoring Summer

Foto Faces Friday

Wordless Wednesday

Berry Picking

Diva's berries

Inspecting the goods

My favorite picture of the day- taking a break

Only the best for The Diva

Looking cool!

We went berry picking a few weeks ago and had the best time. The Diva really enjoyed looking for the perfect berries. She also managed to look pretty darn cute while picking. It was definitely one of my favorite family times this summer.

Foto Faces Friday-More Diva

She's the silliest!

Foto Faces Friday

I call this "If Lenny Kravitz and Macy Gray had a baby". I love my Diva! Happy Friday!

Big kid

Athe park:

Me- Look at you Diva! You can pump your legs while you swing. You are such a big kid!
Diva- I know, I am a big kid!
Me- Where did my baby go?
Diva- I'm right here Mommy, I'm just growing up.

Four years ago today

It was a beautiful Saturday. Picture perfect weather, seventy degrees and not a cloud in sky. As I got ready for my wedding day, everyone helping me to get ready kept commenting on how calm I was. Being the neurotic person I am, I thought for sure I would be a wreck on my wedding day. I wasn't. I was perfectly content and at ease with the fact that I was getting ready to stand before God and my loved ones and pledge my lifelong committment to my best friend. Marraige isn't always easy, but true love is well worth fighting for. Happy anniversary to my amazing husband, who always has my back and has given me two precious gifts-his love, and our amazing little girl. I love you baby!!!

Getting Away!

Daddy-o and I are out of here! We are headed to Massachussets for a 30th birthday party. I am being reunited with my college peeps who I haven't seen in a year and a half. I miss them!!!!! These people know how to party, so this boring, working, mom is hoping she can keep up. I will probably be stifling yawns come 9 p.m.. The Diva is going to be having a blast with Grammy and Grandpa for the weekend. I already miss The Diva, but in the long run this weekend is well deserved by all. Except maybe Grammy and Grandpa, who may be exhausted after 48 non-stop Diva hours!

Wet and Wild

The Diva has turned over a new leaf! In the past, she was really hesitant about being in the water. She was super nervous, really clingy, and sometimes hysterical. I was floored when I took her to the pool yesterday and she was such a brave little thing! She now enjoys dunking herself underwater, and she is really good at holding her breath properly, without any coaching. She is like a new kid and I just think it is so great. We had the best time! She is super excited about the swim lessons that she is signed up for later this summer.
Testing out the really shallow end!

On her way under!

One happy girl!!

Happy Father's Day

This man is an amazing father (and I happen to think he's pretty cute too!)! The Diva and I are so lucky to have him! Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there!

Night time is the right time

For freaking out! The Diva has suddenly developed a fear of sleeping in her room. Her nice, clean, organized, happy, pink room (I worked really hard on this!). Now she is afraid of the sound her fish make in their tank (they do kind of act they are on crack), afraid of her clock (I took it down), afraid to leave the closet door open, afraid certain dolls are "looking at her funny". I really don't know what to do. I spend time reassuring her, but lately every night SOMETHING is scary. She has also been having very vivid nightmares. One of Daddy-o's cousins told me that from age 3-8 this was a common occurence. Being a mom, I just want to take those fears away. Shall this too pass?

Moving on

Last night my Aunt called to invite us to a Father's Day picnic. She also dropped the bomb that my grandfather is dating someone. My Gram passed away a year and a half ago, and I guess it's inevitable that people do move on. I don't want my Papa to be lonely, and it sounds like he is taking it slow, but it still just forces more of the reality of death. One more concrete fact that reminds me that my Gram is gone. Sometimes life really hurts.

Inappropriate word?

Daddy-o thinks funky is an inappropriate word. He says he got in trouble for using it when he was younger. I see nothing wrong with funky. Thoughts? Opinions? Discuss! Or at the very least leave some sort of comment so I know I am not blogging in vain. Pretty please?

Coming back to bite me

So, while I think the "Pretty on the inside" conversation hit home, The Diva has also figured out how to turn it around on me.

Diva: Mommy you smell stinky. (I swear I don't!)
Me: Diva, that is not a very nice thing to say.
Diva: Well, I am feeling ugly on the inside.

It never ends with this kid.

Today

Is the last day of school. My summer job doesn't officially start until the end of June, so I get a little stay-cation. Since I have to pay for daycare whether Diva goes or not, I am thinking these days will be a combo of Mommy-Diva days, and Save Mommy's Sanity Days. I have a hard time sending Diva to daycare when I am not working. I cherish my time with her so much, but I have come to the realization that I am still a person, not just Diva's mommy. Sometimes I need a break. Sometimes I need to get things done. And I don't have to feel guilty about these things. I am still working on the feeling guilty part, but I need to take breaks where I can get them, since Daddy-o's work schedule doesn't provide me with much Diva help. I'm planning on applying for more jobs, hopefully going on some interviews (God willing), and going to the gym and a reasonable hour instead of 4:40 am. I am also looking into swim lessons for Diva, and other fun, exciting, summer opportunities for the two of us. This summer there are some really cool things going on in our little city. Right now the annual Jazz Fest is going on, and while there are some great concerts you can pay to see, there are also tons of opportunities for listening to great, free music. The Diva and I got a little taste downtown yesterday and we loved it. She danced her little feet off. Here's to a great summer!

Pretty On the Inside

I haven't blogged in forever. Life has gotten in the way, and I am going to try to get back into the swing of things. My job is winding down and I will have some down time until my summer job starts up. I am teaching summer school and will have a class of kindergartners heading to first grade. I am really excited about it, and trying not to get too down about the fact that I haven't found a classroom teaching job for next year yet. I want to be teaching again so badly that it hurts. Really, it hurts. I just keep on keeping on though, in the hopes that something will pan out.

This morning The Diva came with me to the laundry room. This is something she loves to do, but that usually makes more work for me. She was a pretty big help today though, and I only had to lay down the law 1 or 2 times, which is good! While I was folding laundry, she asked me, Mommy, what does pretty on the inside mean?. I don't know where she got the term, but I welcomed the opportunity to explain it to her and we had a really great conversation . I think she really gets it. Now that she gets it, I think it will really help in explaining why we shouldn't behave in certain ways. It truly was a teachable moment.

The Diva's first portrait of me

You have to look closely, since she did it in purple crayon. This is me. I never realized I had such stiff, widespread lips, or such vacant eyes. I think I am pretty creepy looking, but I adore it. Even the arm jutting out of the side of my head is perfection!

Not helping

My baby fever is not being helped by EVERYONE asking us when we will have another, or telling us we need to have another right now. It is also not being helped by The Diva telling anyone who will listen that she is getting a baby brother. Or a baby sister. She alternates between the two while telling her tall tale. Then I have to explain that I am not pregnant, while people (often strangers) eye my stomach.

Tired of that unwanted belly hair?

Just shave it! A conversation from my bathroom at 6:00 a.m., while Daddy-o was shaving his face.

The Diva: Daddy what are you doing?
Daddy-o- I'm shaving, I'm taking the hair off.
The Diva: Are you going to shave your belly too?

I was in the bedroom in hysterics, which irritated Daddy-o and prompted the Diva to come ask me why I was laughing and if she said something that was silly. I told her no, I was just in a laughing mood.

When television as a babysitter goes wrong

I am far from perfect. I would like to think I am a pretty good mom. I give The Diva lots of love, nurturing, she's fed, clean, hair taken care of. I encourage her to try new things, wipe her tears away when she is sad, provide her with a variety of age appropriate activities, laugh at her jokes, gently discipline as needed-you get the idea.

I will be the first to admit that tv is watched in our house. The Diva is a fan of tv. I limit it, but sometimes tv really does help me to accomplish around the house tasks. Such as dinner. I let The Diva watch a television program while I prepare dinner. Usually something pre-recorded on the dvr (Word World, Between the Lions) or something on Noggin. The Diva likes Max and Ruby. Even though I find Ruby to be a horrendous nag, I let The Diva watch it. So, when Daddy-0 turned on Max and Ruby for Diva and left the room, and then left the house, I thought everything was fine. Until I heard my little girl scream a terrified scream. I thought she was hurt. I went running to her as she came running to me. Apparently Daddy-o paid no attention to the tv channel and only to the show. He saw Max and Ruby, and turned it on. It wasn't on Noggin, it was on Nickelodeon. Big difference. When M and R ended, Sponge Bob came on. The Diva didn't let me know, even though she doesn't typically watch those shows. Her curiosity got the best of her. As I held her in my lap and wiped her tears (which according to her when she retells the story were "dripping off her face") she told me that Patrick ( a character on the show unzipped his body and there was a gorilla inside and the gorilla put everyone in a bag. Scary right? I reassured my girl that it was pretend, and told her I was sorry the show scared her. She seemed better.

That night as she was falling asleep, she called out to me and asked what we were made of. I gave her a brief, accurate, 3 year old friendly answer and she went to sleep.

Fast forward to the next afternoon. I am in the bathroom and The Diva comes barging in, as usual. She knocks on her ribs and says, "Mommy, what are these?" I explain ribs and their function, and show her that I have them too. She then says, "Yes, but I have a monkey living inside here." Then it hit me. Stupid Sponge Bob. I tried to reassure her that the show was pretend and there was no monkey living behind her ribcage. She wasn't really buying it and I still think she wonders. She has also told EVERYONE we see about the show and how scary it was. I feel awful. I googled the info she gave me, and sure enough, the show in question was about a gorilla dressed up like Patrick, who rips off the costume to reveal his true identity and sticks people in a bag. What a horrible mother I felt like, knowing that letting her watch tv without me in the room has traumatized her. Hopefully one of these days I will get her to believe there isn't really a monkey taking up residence in her body. Parenting is tough stuff!

7 am question

"Mommy, if these are arm pits (ponting to underarm) then why don't we call behind our knees leg pits?"

Knockers

I was just helping The Diva out of her shirt, and her hair elastics bumped up against eachother, so I said, "Nice knockers." Daddy-o couldn't see us, but could only hear me. He exclaimed, "What did you just say to her?" I had to explain to him that I was talking about her hair accessories. You know the ones, with the giant balls on the ends that hook together=knockers. It just so happened that the Diva was topless when I commented on them. Oops!

Easter Bunny Surprises

In the car on the way home from work/school today The Diva brought up the Easter Bunny. If you read my blog entry about Santa, you know I'm not so good with these types. You know, Santa, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy. I just feel caught between a rock and a hard place. This was a funny conversation though. I love getting a peak into how the Diva's mind works.

Diva: Does the Easter Bunny come to our house?
Me: Yeah, sure he does. (note to self- find out Easter Bunny's gender)
Diva: What does the Easter Bunny do when he comes to our house?
Me: Well, he will come and fill your Easter basket with some surprises.
Diva: Like sticks? And water?
Me: Well, no, umm, I think they are different surprises, you know, like treats.
Diva: But if the Easter Bunny put sticks and water in my Easter basket, I WOULD be surprised Mommy!!!

Play that funky music

The Diva got a harmonica when Grammy and Grandpa went to D.C. last month. She's lovin' it! It's not my favorite sound in the world, but I admire her enthusiasm.Don't you just love it when people buy your children loud musical instruments? Don't you?

Sunshine

The Diva and I had a spectacular day yesterday. Daddy-o had to work, but Diva and I soaked up the sunshine and played to our hearts' content! Hooray for Spring!

Warm Fuzzy

I'm feeling all warm and fuzzy, and not just because I just finished a large glass of chardonnay. My 31st birthday is coming to an end. It's been a nice, easy, relaxing kind of day. It started with snow, which wasn't my idea of a Spring birthday surprise. However, it quickly melted and the sun hung out all day. A book I was waiting for arrived at the library, so I picked it up. My mom and step-dad came over bearing gifts. I had a long talk with my sister-in-law, who I miss dearly. The Diva made me a beautiful sticker picture featuring a one-armed princess. Daddy-o loaded my MP3 player with tons of awesome break out in a sweat music and got me a fantastic water bottle. He says I have another present coming, but really the water bottle and music were all I asked for. We dined on Chinese take-out and Daddy-O got me a tasty ice cream cake. The Diva insisted on wearing a dress to my "party". It was just the three of us. She was so passionate about singing "Happy Birthday" that I cried real tears.

We were eating the ice cream cake, which was chocolate and vanilla. The Diva looked at the cake on her plate, pointed to the chocolate ice cream and said, "This part is brown like me and Daddy, and the other part is just like Mommy." An interesting observation. I think I need a spray tan or something. While I am pretty pasty, I don't think I am quite that vanilla.

I feel so blessed to have been able to have such a chill, laid back birthday and to celebrate it with my favorite people, who have showered me with love and affection, as they do most days. Except for days when The Diva is being insane and Daddy-O is making me want to drink. Happy Sunday!

Challenging

The Diva has become very challenging. She testing boundaries left and right, is prone to tantrums and is driving me a bit mad. I love her, I do. She is a sweet child (most of the time). However, I am about at my wits end with the fits. We are being consistent (we always try to be), and sometimes I fear that this isn't just a phase, but that my daughter is going to permanently be a full fledged Veruca Salt. It's a scary thought. Three is proving to be harder than age 2. At 2, The Diva went through the whole "Mine" phase, but with her own unique style. When she does something, she does it big. I could barely take her out in public because she would harrass innocent bystanders. As I pushed the shopping cart through the store, she would say to shoppers, "This is MY MILK!", or "This is MY WALMART!" It was embarrassing, but it passed, with a lot of work on my part. But will this too pass? Sometimes I worry. The Diva appears to be pretty intelligent, which works in her favor when she wants to be horrid. She knows just what to do.

Dinner time has been one of our most recent combat zones. She pushes buttons like there's no tomorrow and proclaims that she doesn't like whatever it is I am serving. She has had a time out or ten during dinner time.

Here's a sample of some pre-dinner testing of my patience/sanity:
The Diva: What are we having for dinner
Me: Sloppy Joes and Mac and Cheese (Don't judge me, we eat plenty of healthy meals)
The Diva: I don't like Sloppy Joes and Mac and Cheese (She's lying, she loves the Mac!), I'm going to have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
Me: No Diva, you're not. This is not a restaurant, you are going to eat what Mommy and Daddy are having.
The Diva: Yes it is a restaurant. And I'm the customer.

Daddy-O and I just looked it each other. I reaffirmed that there would be no peanut butter and jelly served. But I swear, she knows just what she is doing and how to get to me. I am fearful for the teenage years and am hoping to get through the preschool years without producing a terror. I love The Diva, but man.....

Randoms

It is a beautiful day today and The Diva and I spent a big chunk of time at the park. I am hopeful that spring is really coming, and it's not just a vicious rumor.

The Diva told me she had to use the bathroom, and then snuck off and climbed in bed for a nap. I guess the park did her in.

The Diva seems to be feeling a lot better, hence our trip to the park. We have a follow up appointment with her Dr. tomorrow. Of course it's dead smack in the middle of the morning, making my day crazy, but at least we have a proactive Dr. who wants to check on her progress.

Daddy-O has been really irritating me more often than not this past week. I love him but he is really testing that love right now.

I will be 31 in one week and I'm not sure how I feel about that.

Surprisingly I love going to the gym, even at 4:45 am.

I've become addicted to placing holds on books I want to read at the library, and then stalking my account page to see if I have jumped up in line at all.

I'm thinking about purchasing a kettlebell.

Last night I went to a girl's night with my mom at my step-father's ex-wife's house. The Diva is going to be in her wedding in May. That's how we roll. When my mom dropped me off at home, she waited until I got in the house to drive away. It reminded me that I'm still somebody's little girl.

I've thanked God several times today for such a beautiful relaxing Sunday.

The Diva is sick

Another ear infection and once again her asthma is out of control. She just had a terrible attack, and when she has them I swear I stop breathing. To hear her wheeze and gasp for air destroys me. To see the look of panic on her face and not be able to set her at ease immediately kills me. She is now lying down, resting because she is wiped out from trying to breathe. I just needed to come blog it out of my system.

My personal trainer and my dietician

First of all, I don't have a real personal trainer. But for some reason Ludacris is my new motivator. It seems that whenever I feel I can't go much further and am ready to hit the stop button on the treadmill, Luda makes an appearance in my ear buds. And suddenly, I am ready to keep going. It's weird and amazing.

Secondly, The Diva has taken to putting four grapes in a Ziploc baggie when I go to work out. Then, when I get back, she takes them out and stands over me while I eat them. It's another weird occurrence, since I have no idea why she does this. I am trying to be healthy, but isn't four grapes a little skimpy? She means business.

That's what friends are for

My dearest friend has a personal trainer, so she invited me to her gym with her today so she can show me what her personal trainer has shown her. I have worked out for three days in a row now, which might not seem like a lot, but when your butt hasn't done much moving, three days of exercise=pain. So, I emailed Dear Friend, and told her maybe I wasn't feeling it. After all, I did go to my own gym this morning. I asked for a rain check. Guess what her reply was?

"No. You can not take a rain check. You have to come with me."

So guess where I'll be in an hour? Bringin' on the pain! I'm so glad I have a friend who doesn't let me take the easy way out. I'm sure I'll be thanking and cursing her this evening!

Oops!

My alarm went of at 4:45 am. I hopped out of bed, got my workout gear on, brushed my teeth, splashed some water on my face and headed out the door. I did 45 minutes on the treadmill and was feeling awake and refreshed. I finished my workout, then went into the locker room to get ready to leave. I went to use the bathroom and...... realized I wasn't wearing any underwear. (Sorry if this is too much information!). How the heck can a person FORGET to wear underwear? Come on! And that is exactly what I did. Somehow in my sleepiness/eagerness to get to the gym I made an unconscious decision to go commando. I'm such a freak.

Overcoming anxiety and workin' on my fitness!

So, I joined Planet Fitness! Yay me right? Except for the fact that I joined Planet Fitness online, on Martin Luther King Day. I had yet to actually go and use my membership. I wanted to, really I did. But I've got issues. Not issues with working out, not issues with what people think of me, but issues with actually going to the gym for the first time. I get major anxiety over things I do for the first time. It's ridiculous and kind of all consuming. Today I finally sucked it up and went, and the world didn't come to an end. I just did some cardio while losing myself in some old school rap on my mp3 player, and I felt so great when I got done. I am hoping to get into a routine of going at least every week day. It's going to require some real discipline on my part, since the only time that works for me to go without worrying about The Diva is the absolute crack of dawn. Actually, slightly before dawn. We'll see how it goes.

Happy Dance in the Diaper Aisle

This morning I did some grocery shopping-all by myself! It was nice for a change to be able to roam through the grocery store without anyone making demands on me. I walked through to diaper aisle to cut over to the meat section. I took a second to rejoice in the fact that for know I don't have to make any purchases in the diaper aisle. The Diva potty trained and started wearing underwear shortly after her 2nd birthday. Now, not long after her 3rd birthday, we have graduated to underwear at night. I love not having to clean up a urine soaked child and deal with a smelly pull-up anymore, but the first week of "Operation Panties for Bedtime" I developed insomnia. I was seriously stressing over whether or not The Diva would wet the bed. I am still a little apprehensive when I hear her little voice let me know she is up each morning, but this is a milestone I am happy The Diva has reached.

Drop In Art

This morning The Diva and I went to a drop-in art session downtown. It was our last day of vacation together (my last two vacation days next week will be Mama's Alone Time). The place is great, there were painting, collage making, and clay activities going on, and The Diva tried them all. We had a fabulous time, my only negative is that it seems these drop ins only occur on weekdays; a bummer for a working mom. Below is The Diva working on a mural. Hooray for art!

Klepto

If you are missing anything, chances are you'll find it in The Diva's Rose Petal Cottage. It seems that things in our house that have "mysteriously disappeared" are ending up there. Little thief.

New pets

Yesterday I suggested to Daddy-o that maybe we should get The Diva a fish. This was sort of a bad idea. Not the fish part, but the telling Daddy-o part. I should have mapped out a clear plan for the purchase of a pet fish. Daddy-o is one of the most impulsive people I know. He also thinks big. He takes a simple idea and makes in ginormous (and expensive). I thought getting a fish for The Diva would mean a bowl, a plant, some rocks, some food and a betta. Daddy-o had other plans. As soon as I suggested the purchase, he was urging me to get ready so we could go fish shopping. Then he got on the computer and found the tank he wanted to buy. I had no plans for a tank. Again, bowl + fish= good enough for me. The Diva would have thought it was just as cool. She's three. Then, we had to hurry off to Walmart to purchase the tank. The Diva had her eye on a kid friendly Sesame Street tank ( I was routing for her, it was cheaper), but Daddy-o won out. Then we had to coordinate the rocks and the accessories. Finally, we got to the actual fish buying part. The Diva picked two fish, and named them Goldie ( I am a little disappointed in her lack of creativity), and Maddy. For a minute she wanted to name one of them "Jude", but then changed her mind. I was hoping Jude would stick, as proof of my rubbing a love of The Beatles off on her. No such luck. When we got home Daddy-o immediately went to work on assembling his tank. I mean, The Diva's tank. I told The Diva I was going to keep the fish in the kitchen while we waited for their new home. To which she replied, "Are you making fish stew?" What was disturbing about this for me was that she said it so calmly. As if she didn't care if I made her new pets our dinner. Goldie and Maddy are now living happily in their tank in The Diva's room. They are safe from becoming fish stew. The Diva is loving feeding them and watching their fishy actions. All is well in The Diva house.

This girl

This girl steals my heart again, and again, and again.......

He's brainwashing her

Today The Diva was dancing and I said, "Wow, Diva! You've got some great moves!" To which she replied, "I get it from my daddy!" There has to have been some coaching on this one, I swear I've got rhythm!

Sharing

I have always thought I had pretty good manners. My mom was a real stickler, and it paid off. But I've noticed lately that I have this sharing thing all wrong. It seems that according to The Diva, "Please can I share?" means "Please let me have whatever it is you have, even if I have already had my own and that is the last bagel and you are starving.

Dear Asthma Flare-Up

Dearest Asthma,

We've had enough of your shenanigans. If it is attention you are seeking, I really think you get enough of that as it is. Don't you? Come on now, be reasonable. I know for the time being we are stuck with you (although we pray you disappear some day-no offense), but COME ON. Poor Diva has been through enough, and when I hear you rear your head in the form of a wheeze or a cough, I get really upset. We are happy to treat you with the utmost care, but if you would back off just a bit right now, we would appreciate it. Please don't go flare up on anyone else either. Just go take a break or something. Seriously.

Thanks,

Diva's Mama

It's quiet here

I am up for the day, getting ready for work. The Diva is not here. Daycare is closed today, so Diva is having a sleepover at Aunt Shell's. Lucky Aunt Shell has the day off today. I was looking forward to a morning of getting ready and heading out the door without having to get The Diva ready as well, since it never happens. But what I am finding is that I miss my girl. I am counting the hours until I can leave work and go scoop her up into my arms.

Love

In honor of Valentine's Day, a picture of my two loves. These two amazing people and I, (and my niece who I also love), will be heading to Lake Placid, NY today to see Disney On Ice. We are looking forward to our family date! Happy hearts and flowers to all!

And so it begins.

At the ripe old age of 3, The Diva has noticed that she looks different than her friends at school. The other night when I was helping her get ready for bed, The Diva said, "I want to cut my hair, so I can look like W, E, and L. W and E are boys at daycare, and L is a 2 year old girl. They all have short straight hair. I told The Diva that her hair was beautiful the way it was, and part of what makes the world so special is that everyone is different. People have all different skin colors (just like Diva, Mommy, and Daddy do), and people have all kinds of hair. I told her again that her hair was so beautiful. To which she replied, "Yes, and if I cut my beautiful hair, it will cry." The truth is if she cut her beautiful hair, not only would it cry, but so would I. My mom got The Diva a great book for her birthday called I Love My Hair. We read it often, and it really is a great book that celebrates hair like The Diva's. The conversation made me sad, because I have a feeling it is the first of many we will have. Sometimes it will be The Diva noticing her differences, and we will also have to deal with other's pointing them out to her. From day one we have been trying to instill self-confidence and self-love in our Diva, but it breaks my heart to think about her ever being put down, or feeling bad about the things that make her our beautiful, sweet, amazing blessing of a girl. And I know I am biased, but I happen to think her hair is quite fabulous!

Just her imagination

Every night, after bath time, when I am drying The Diva off, I tell her to raise her arms up and then I tickle her under her arms. Last night when I did this, The Diva said, "When I tickle Uncle Ronnie like that, he laughs and laughs." I froze in panic. The Diva doesn't have an Uncle Ronnie. We don't know anyone named Ronnie. I started racking my brain as to who could have been around my child for her to be tickling them underneath their arms. So I took a breath and asked her who Uncle Ronnie was.

The Diva: He's my friend
Me: Where did you meet Uncle Ronnie?
The Diva: At a restaurant. We were eating phones.
Me: How old is Uncle Ronnie?
The Diva: He's 40 years old.
Me: What does he look like?
The Diva: He's a big, big man, and he has sprinkles in his hair.
Me: What kind of sprinkles?
The Diva: Chocolate sprinkles.
Me: Where does he live?
The Diva: At home, with his mom and dad.
Me: What do you and Uncle Ronnie do?
The Diva: We like to take baths together.

So let's recap, shall we? My 3 year old daughter's imaginary friend is a large, ticklish, phone-eating middle-aged man who lives at home with his parents. And he likes baths. Where in the world does she get this stuff?

A Giveaway from C.Beth and Lisa Leonard

Check out C.Beth's blog for an awesome Lisa Leonard jewelry giveaway. Tell her I sent you!

http://cbethblog.blogspot.com/2009/02/lisa-leonard-jewelry-giveaway.html

It figures

That the day I run into my ex boyfriend in the grocery store is the day I have no make-up or hair product and am wearing a pair of jeans with a bleach stain on them and Daddy-0's big work jacket. Not that I care. Really I don't. I haven't seen the guy in 6 years. I am a happily married woman. But it would have made me feel a little better to run into the lying cheating loser looking fabulous. That's not too much to ask, is it?

I cried today

This morning I decided to tackle the dreaded task of going through The Diva's clothes, removing thoses items that no longer fit. For some reason it hit me hard today. Packing away those clothes is a harsh and obvious reminder that my baby is growing, and that time seems to be going by way too fast. I remember looking at some of those same outfits not being able to imagine them ever fitting my tiny little girl. Now the 3t jeans that fit her in the fall are attempting to become capris. While I love this age The Diva is at now (minus the tantums and battles of wills), I get sad sometimes thinking about those moments I won't ever get back.

Getting Funky

I'm in funk today. I am pretty sure I didn't wake up funky, but alas, the funk has settled in. If anyone else wants the funk, you are more than welcome to take it.

I carried a watermelon

Okay now, I know you are out there, so I want readers- commenters and blurkers alike to please comment on this post. I went out to brunch with my mom, the Diva, and my cousin C. C and I are six months apart and grew up together. C and I were talking about those "I carried a watermelon" moments. If you've seen Dirty Dancing you know what I'm talking about. And if you haven't seen Dirty Dancing then go watch it RIGHT NOW!!! So I'd like you to share your best "I carried a watermelon" moment. When you had every intention of saying something really cool and clever, but what came out of your mouth was anthing but.

I'll give you one of mine, there have been several throughout the years. When I was in college, I was hanging out outside the dorm one night with my friends. A cute guy that lived in our dorm came up and was talking about his experience at the county fair. I went to college in a little tiny town, where the county fair was a sight to behold. Cute dorm guy told us he milked a cow. We chatted a bit, and as he was getting ready to leave I said, "I'm glad you had a great milking experience!" Who the hell says such a stupid thing? A great milking experience? I was tormented my friends about it until someone else did or said something silly.
Come on now, share away!!!

Scared of what the future will bring

Last night the Diva was getting ready for bed. She had her jammies on, but the top wasn't buttoned (buttoning has not quite been mastered). She was standing on her stool, getting ready to brush her teeth. I was preparing her toothbrush when she started saying this, while staring into the mirror:

"Hi, I'm Diva and I like my boobies!"

I don't know where she gets this stuff, or what to do about it. Worst case scenario she'll be really popular at Mardi Gras some day.

Another reason I love my husband

I was washing my hair this morning bent over the bathtub. I took a shower last night but just wasn't feeling my hair. Daddy-o comes in and says, "Would you like some help?' And proceeds to rinse my hair out for me. Could I have rinsed my own hair, sure. Did it make it easier by having him do it? Yes. It's those little sweet gestures that keep me falling in love with him again and again.

What do I do with this?

On the way to work/daycare this morning, the diva asked me,

"Mommy, are you God?"

This was right after I was giving her a direction to use an inside voice in the car. I answered honestly (No, I am not God), and moved on. But where in the world is she learning to be so lippy in such a subtle way?

The Diva watches the Inauguration!

The Diva's daycare watched the inauguration. I was so excited that she was able to witness this historic event, even though these pictures may possibly be her only way to remember it. Her teacher said that she was beyond enthusiastic, I just love it!!! What an awesome birthday gift the Diva received this year, watching our first African-American President being sworn into office. Yes We Can!

Happy Birthday Diva!

Three years ago today the Diva entered my life in a way that I now see to be very fitting of her personality. She was delivered six weeks early with a crowd of specialists surrounding her; she does love an audience. At the time it was a really scary and trying experience, but when I look back on it now I can try to find some humor in the situation. The Diva was definitely the star of the show. I didn't get that blissful Mommy moment where they immediately put her in my arms, but when I did finally get to hold her for the briefest of moments I felt the purest of bliss. Although we had been prepared for her needing a stay in NICU, I felt like my heart had been ripped right out of my body with her when they took her away. They wheeled me in one last time to see her before they shipped me off to my room, and they literally had to pull me away, I couldn't bare to leave my precious little girl. But, by the grace of God, our tiny little baby only spent 8 hours away from us before she was cleared to join me. Because of my condition, she was technically ready to be discharged two days before I was.

The instant love I had for her then only intensifies the more I get to know her. She is my smart, sweet, funny, sensitive girl. I love the way her mind works, and I admire her curiousity and her confidence. I could go on and on, but I don't want to bore anyone. Being the Diva's mother is the hardest, best job I have ever had. Daddy-o and I feel so blessed that God has chosen us to be her parents. Happy Birthday Precious Girl!

Fairies and cupcakes and drama, oh my!

Yesterday we had a fairy birthday party for the Diva. Being a Diva, she vetoed my original plan for a Luau birthday. When I asked her what kind of party she wanted she said " A pink fairy party with pink cake and lovely people.

My mom (Grammy) made six pairs of beautiful fairy wings by hand. Unfortunately I didn't get a picture of all of the wings. I am really bummed about this, because they were beautiful. The Diva, being a diva, would keep her wings on for long periods of time. But it was quite adorable to see all the little fairy girls prancing and pretending! Grammy also made the pink cupcakes, which were adorable and delicious. I made a punch and called it Fairy Punch. It was such a success that the Diva pretty much wore a red mustache all day long. (My sugar rules kind of went out the window for this party, I even served pixie sticks! Go ahead and judge me, I'm cool with it!) We had tons of snacks, even healthy ones! We played Hullaballoo and had a bean bag toss. Despite the fact that the Diva refused to nap and was an occasional cranky pants dictator, I would say the fairy party was a success. We did indeed have lovely guests and we were so glad that could join us for our celebration! The Diva's actual birthday is tomorrow. She is having a hard time letting go of two and so am I!


Time for the cupcake!A happy Diva, hooray for a Dora sticker book!

An angry Diva, who knows what set her off this time!

A pair of the beautiful fairy wings made by my talented mom! Thanks Mom!

The cupcakes, pink as requested. They were tasty! Even Daddy-o who doesn't like sweets gobbled one up! Thanks again to my amazing mom!

Today

Is the anniversary on my first date with Daddy-o. We had been friends for a year, and suddenly sparks flew! I love you baby! And I look forward to many more years of celebrating lifes big and small events with you!

Flashback to Pre-eclampsia

In the days leading up to my favorite girl's 3rd birthday, I am going to do some flashing back. Three years ago today was the day I was officially declared pre-eclamptic. It was the day I was put on strict bed rest, and the day I began to truly fear for my life and the life of my unborn baby girl. The ten days leading up to the Diva's birth were really hard. I will hash it out here, since writing it therapuetic and I have never really written a lot of this down. The day I was put on bed rest I had to do a non-stress test at the doctor's office. I was hooked up to the monitors, and Daddy-o couldn't be in the room with me, because there was another mom also being monitored. So Daddy-o sat in the waiting room communicating with me by cell phone. We had a conference call with his dad and his step-mom and his dad led us in prayer. It brought me comfort, but it just felt so surreal. While I had an inkling that something was wrong the week before, I wasn't prepared for it. I guess no one ever is really prepared for bad news, but it was like being hit with a truck. Being told I could no longer work when I had planned on working right up until I gave birth was my first hit. We were not financially prepared for it. That thought was put out of my mind quickly though, when my doctor told me off. She made me realize how serious my condition could get. ( I found out after The Diva's birth that my doctor had pre-eclampsia twice) The next hit was that my baby could now have to be delivered at any time. At this point we were just hitting 32 weeks. I was just getting over morning sickness. Now we were being told about lung development and NICU and specialists, comas, siezures, and death. We started blood pressure watch, which was torture for me and I think Daddy-o secretly enjoyed it, because he was really strict about it. By the time the Diva was born, my arms were raw and bruised from hourly blood pressure checks. That first day, they kept me around for a while trying to decide whether or not I should be admitted to the hospital. This would become a pattern over the next 10 days. They decided I could go home, and we did. I remember that day as the day I found pre-eclampsia in my copy of "What to Expect When You're Expecting" under "When something goes wrong". I was paralyzed with fear that something was going wrong. It was also the day "Hustle and Flow" came out on DVD. I made Daddy-o rent it for me in the hopes it would provide a distraction.

Freakin' little tiny shoes

One of the Diva's favorite Christmas gifts was a gift from Grammy. It is a set of Disney Princess Doll's and accessories, kind of similar to Polly Pocket. The Diva wants to play with them all the time, which means I have to play with them all the time. My biggest complaint about these darn dolls is their shoes. Who thought shoes the size of a flea were a good idea? Guess who gets to cram Cinderella's feet into the microscopic glass slipper? Dear Old Mommy. I don't even mind putting the shoes on the little princesses as much as I mind losing the shoes. We are constantly losing shoes. Luckily many have reappeared, but some are lost forever, and I fear there won't be a handsome prince coming to return them any time soon. My handsome prince is more likely to suck them up in the vacuum cleaner. ( Which is what I think happened to a little white shoe). So, are Diva and I really expected to put Cinderella in a white dress with pink, purple, brown, or blue shoes? It's making me crazy. Do your children have a toy that just drives you batty?

Teaching her well

My mom (Grammy) took the Diva for a while today to give me a much needed break. And I really do mean much needed. My sanity depended on getting a little time to myself. It was great! I went to the library, then walked over to the mall to use a gift card I got for Christmas. It was so relaxing. I like hanging out with myself! When I got home a did some cleaning before Mom brought the Diva back. When she got here she told me about a little conversation they had in the car while eating fruit snacks (something I don't ever buy).

Grammy- I like these fruit snacks, they taste like Gummy Bears. Diva do you like Gummy Bears.
Diva- No.
Grammy- I like Sour Patch Kids too, do you like Sour Patch Kids?
Diva- No Grammy. I only like HEALTHY FOODS.

Not that kind of dance...

This morning the Diva was dancing around the kitchen while we were making breakfast. She was skipping around and slapping her knee, having a grand old time. I said, "Diva, it looks like you are having a hoe-down." She didn't answer me, left the room and then came back. Both Daddy-o and I were in the kitchen. When she came back in she started dancing and said "Look at me! I am doing a ho dance!" Not the kind of dance we really want her to practice. Daddy-o looked at me like it was my fault.