Saturday, August 22, 2009

Here I am

Most likely no one is really wondering where I have gone. I have put up some wordless blogs recently, but my heart hasn't been in blogging. Until I realized that this is my blog, and I love to write, and maybe, just maybe writing would help. I've been in a pretty negative place for a while now. It is most definitely job related. I still have yet to find a full time classroom position, so back to subbing I go. I left a teaching job that I was perfectly happy with to make a different life for our family. The good news is, Daddy-o's work life is much more stable here. The bad news is, my career is non-exisitent at the moment, which puts a strain on me emotionally, a strain on us financially, and Daddy-o is ALWAYS working. I am at a point where I just don't know what to do. Do I keep my building sub job? Do I go back into the general sub pool so I can get my name out there for more possible job opportunities? Do I try to find a totally different job? Should I try to find a way to make money from home, keep The Diva home, and cut the daycare expense which takes close to half my weekly salary? Will I ever teach again? I sure wish I had some answers.

This week I really hit rock bottom. I got news that I didn't get a teaching position I had interviewed for. I had thought that things had gone really well, but apparently not well enough. It is beyond frustrating. I have experience, excellent references, and confidence that I am a pretty darn good teacher. Putting myself out there and being rejected really bites. I am just not sure what my next move should be.

On a positive note, I have had some really good talks with God recently, and I have been able to turn my frustration off and focus on all the beautiful things that are present in my life. It is so easy to get caught up in the negatives, but in reality I am so blessed to have a loving husband, an amazing daughter, supportive family and friends, a place to live, a car to drive, food in my fridge and pantry, etc. I am just going to keep on keeping on.


greygillfish said...

You have been missed around here, and I am sorry that you have been down. It seems like your mind in the right spot now by staying positive and being thankful for the most important things in life. Something will work out. Stay focused girl! I will be thinking about you and hoping that a job comes your way.

Jenny said...

You are doing a great job at being positive! I know it's probably hard and it can be very discouraging not getting a job that you think would be perfect for you. (I've been there!) Keep praying - something will come along!! ((Hugs))

C. Beth said...

I'm sorry it's been so rough, and at the same time encouraged hearing you're having some good chats with God--I hope/pray it'll be a peaceful time for you even with job and financial struggles....

Shan said...

I almost didn't finish reading this post just so I could say, "Oh, pshaw!!! What do you MEAN no one is really wondering?!? As if!"

But I did finish reading it... and wanted to send you a little bit of bloggy love. Times *are* tough for teachers. Doesn't make much sense, either, because last year there was still such a push for people to become teachers. But the economy has been taking out the good with the bad. I work in education (not as a teacher) in California, and I have to say that things seem to be turning around. And if they're turning around *here*, well, then you're practically in your own classroom! Hang in there... it'll come.

I know it's a tough sacrifice that you've made for your family. I have been following since right before you made the move. I can't really recall if you're near his family or yours or both. All the same, if you were content from whence you came, it can make the change a bit harder. I once lived in Oklahoma for eight months just so I could stay home with my son. Everything that I put up with during those months (!!!) is still worth it to me. No, I didn't always keep that at the forefront of my brain.

Back on the job front, have you considered looking into tutoring programs? There's a great one out here called "THINK Together" They're only in California, but that's the type of place mean. I have a few credentialed friends who have made a very happy transition.