Don't let small children read this.
I am totally blowing it on the Santa front. The Diva is into Santa this year. I am not sure how she even knows much about the jolly old elf, since I have been skirting around the subject as much as possible. But oh no, it hasn't stopped The Diva. She could totally pick the dude out of a line up and she noticed him on a Coke can today. "Look Mommy, it's Santa!" She exclaims, whenever she gets a glimpse of the big guy. With Christmas all around us already, she is noticing him more and more. She even has a list for Santa- tap shoes and a tap dancing dress ( what the hell is a tap dancing dress anyway? If anyone knows, please tell me, because The Diva sure wants one.)
But alas, the problem is with me. I have been avoiding Santa because I have issues with him. Well, with the actual non-existence of him. (Are you following me?) Santa isn't real. I am feeding my daughter a pack of lies. She trusts me completely and counts on me to tell her what is what. And I am lying to her. I am telling her that an imaginary guy is coming to our house to leave presents. Not just for her, but for sweet little children all over the world. My best friend and my mom think I am a nut job. I think they are both afraid I am going to blow the whole thing. "Believing, is part of the magic of Christmas", they say. "Don't you remember Miracle on 34th Street??? My exasperated mother exclaimed. I am going along with it, but slightly grudgingly, because I just feel dishonest. I can't remember when I found out Santa was my parents and I think it must be because the whole thing was so traumatic that I have blocked it out to protect myself from the pain. I should have caught on quickly though; we never left cookies and milk for Santa, we left Cookies and Pepsi. My dad drinks Pepsi so much I think he might just bleed Pepsi. Coincidence? I think not!
So tonight Santa came up in conversation with The Diva, and I tried to be good, I really did.
Me: Santa is going to come to our house late on Christmas Eve
Diva: To sleep OVER????
Me: (Trying not to laugh) No, he won't sleep over but...
Diva: (All wide eyed and serious) What Mommy, what will he do?
Me: He's going to sneak into our house while we are sleeping and .......... here Diva, let's call Aunt Shell and she will tell you all about Santa.
I was laughing so hard on the inside I thought I might explode. I may have issues with this thing, but here I am making Santa sound creepier than I already thing the whole thing sort of sounds. He SNEAKS into the house??? I think I get a big fat F on this one.